BILLY McCORD: As I see it

MUG-Billy-McCord-CMYKI have received a lot of comments concerning the “truck wagon”, made by my father, and the blessed old goat that my cousin and I had. We did train him to pull the wagon and did not have to train him to butt anyone with their back turned. I probably do not have to tell you that he was not a family favorite. My cousin and I even enjoyed seeing him start toward a family member who turned their back. Several asked if I had other stories of things my cousin and I did. I do and there are two that I can share with you readers. Others, I best not.
My aunt complained one day about a wasp nest in a miniature cedar next to the front door. She said she had been stung twice and added, “If you boys want something good to do, get rid of the wasp nest.”
Enough said. She had made the request.
Looking around the farm shed we found a gallon bucket that we filled with gasoline. Making our way to the cedar containing the wasp’s nest, we saturated the bush with gasoline. We then threw a lighted match on the tree. Most of you can imagine the sound it made. It was a loud rumble with flames going very high. My aunt ran out looking like she had seen a ghost and said, “You have caused me to ruin my cake.”
We had no idea she was baking a cake and had just taken it out of the oven when the explosion caused her to scream and throw the cake straight up. By that time the fire was about gone and the cedar was gone. The only thing left of it was a black looking stick which had once been the trunk. There were no wasps. The only thing that really upset my aunt was the cake that was ruined. Our explanation was very simple. “You asked us to get rid of the wasps and we did.”
While I was writing that memory I forgot the second story I promised. This reminds me what a lady once told me. She said when she finally got upstairs she could not remember whether she was bringing something up or coming after something to take down. She said she handled it by just taking a nap. I told her that was fine because as we get older, happy hour is a nap.
At one time I loved to read one liners on “You know you’re getting old when…” I even made me a file for them to use in speeches or sermons. Now I really do not think they are all that funny. Let me try a few on you and let me know what you think of them. You know you’re getting old when:

n Your joints are more accurate that the National Weather Service.
n You feel like the morning after when you haven’t been anywhere the night before.
n You don’t care where your wife/husband goes just so you don’t have to go along.
n It takes twice a long to look half as good.
n People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
n You look forward to a dull evening.
n You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
n Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
n You look for your glasses for a half-hour, then find they have been on your head all along.
n You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
n You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t remember being on top of it.
n You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
Thank you for reading the column. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Billy McCord is a retired school administrator and an Elder in the United Methodist Church. He is Pastor of Shady Grove UM Church in Calhoun County, member of school board representing District 3, and is President of the Board. Contact him: billymc@brucetelephone.com.

 

Subscribe

Subscribe to our e-mail newsletter to receive updates.

, , , ,